I was trying to decide whether to write about this here, or on my other Blog, Georgian Blues. But then I thought Spandex and Hairspray is about my past, and all the stupid things I did, and Georgian Blues is about my present, and all the stupid things I do now. Although this was in late 94', early 95' it was my past and I guess it belongs here.
About 6 months after my son was born I kind of went through a Britney-post-KFed phase. I was only 22 years old, and since I was 18 I had been tied down. First to an emotionally unstable boyfriend, and then to a tiny little human being. I was dying to get out and have a good time, and I was constantly pushing the limits. Although, I was never photographed getting out of a car with no panties, the things I did were just as shameless.
I was relying too heavily on my family to babysit for me, and I was going out and partying far too much. I was desperate to connect with other people my age, I was dating several guys, and I had engaged in more than a few one night stands.
One night in December, my friend Chris and I ventured out to see a guy she had been dating, Jay. The weather had been getting nasty all night, but we thought we would be okay. But about 10 minutes after we left her house we hit heavy whiteouts and drifting snow. Soon we found ourselves stuck on the side of the road. I was driving a 1980 Camaro at the time, not the best car for these conditions.
Even though it was only 1994, we were lucky that Chris carried a cell phone. Since she lived in a rural area, she had it for a situation just like this. She called Jay and he managed to make his way out to us to pick us up.
This was my first time officially meeting Jay. He had briefly gone to Pearson, but back then I only knew him as JC, I never actually talked to him. Along with Jay, was his friend Ron, and his brother Noel.
Both Ron and Noel were cute. I knew Chris had been bringing me out to Jay's so I could meet Ron, but at first I was kind of intrigued with both guys. I decided to see how the night progressed.
Once we made it back to Jay's I was able to really get a good idea what these guys were like.
Ron was very outgoing. He had a lot to talk about, and totally held my interest. He was funny, and a little goofy, but I found it cute. He was very flirtatious as well. He knew I was there to meet him, and he was obviously doing his best to impress me.
He was really pretty hot, just a little shorter than I, shoulder length dirty blonde hair, a quite a nice body. He was older by a couple of years, but I always have liked older guys.
Noel on the other hand, was very quiet. He had obviously had a bit too much to drink, and was not very steady on his feet. He tried to include himself in our conversations, but he was just too far gone to add anything relevant. I still thought he was cute though, he was younger than Ron, closer to my age. He was a little skinny for my taste, but he had this dark, thick curly hair, and the most beautiful blue eyes. He looked like a sweet, shy little boy.
Within the first hour we were there, Noel was passed out on the floor, so I naturally turned my attention to Ron. It had become apparent that we were not going anywhere that night, the roads were closed at this point, and none of the guys were sober enough to give us a ride anywhere. My brother, who I lived with at the time, was taking care of my son. I called home to let him know I would not be home until morning.
The night passed by quickly. We talked, drank a bit and watched movies. Eventually Chris and Jay retired to Jay's bedroom, and I stayed on the couch talking to Ron. Around 6:00 in the morning, we called a tow truck, knowing my car would be snowed in, and we ventured out to wait by my car.
We left Noel at home to sleep it off, and the rest of us piled into Jay's car. Once we reached my car, Ron and I went and sat in it to wait for the tow truck, and Jay took Chris home.
Like any snow storm, the wait for the tow truck was a long one. We sat in the car, listened to music and talked about things. I found out Ron was separated from his wife, and had a daughter. This actually made me feel like we had a bit of a connection, as he had just as much baggage as I did.
Once we got my car on the road, I took Ron back to Jay's to drop him off. He was living there while separated from his wife, so we talked about how I would come by soon with Chris. Standing there in front of the house, we shared our first kiss. I still remember him saying to me "man your tall", since I was about 2 inches taller than him.
That was in early December. December 11th to be exact. Ron and I continued to see each other for the next few weeks, until just before Christmas, when he told me he was going to go back to with wife over the holiday's. By this time I had found out they were only newly separated, and in fact she was pregnant. It was too late though, I was already head over heels with Ron, I was willing to take what I could get.
I was so happy after Christmas to get a call from Ron, asking me to spend New Years Eve with him and Jay. Chris was not there, Jay was also seeing another girl, and he had invited her over.
It was this night that I found out who Ron's wife was. I had known her name was Bonnie, but that was all. Hear no evil, see no evil right? In other words I had been wearing blinders, knowing anything about her made it to hard to pretend she did not exist.
It turns out that this was not just any Bonnie. This Bonnie was sister to Brent and Rob, whom I have previously mentioned. (read Condom's In The Sky, and Fieldtrips to the Police Station, it will become apparent why this was a BAD thing.)
This was a bit scary to me. Bonnie and I did not have a good history, and when she got wind that I was seeing her husband, a man she was trying to reconcile with, there would be hell to pay. She had already threatened to kill me in the past, spitting things like "You've already slept with my brothers, who's next, my Dad!?!?" in my face. This was worse than her Dad....this was her husband! Why nobody had cared to tell me this before, I do not know. I felt like a really bad joke was being played on me.
A few days past New Years, Ron told me again that he was going back to Bonnie, and we would have to stop seeing each other. By this time he had heard about my history with his wife, and realized what a bad situation this was. But that did not last, within days he was calling me, telling me he missed me and he wanted to keep seeing me. He was having a hard time, because he cared for both Bonnie and I, and did not know what to do. I fell for it, hook line and sinker.
All this time, Noel had been staying at Jay's on and off, and had been observing the goings on between Ron and I. I did not realize that he had a bit of a crush on me, and had been dying to talk to me. It was not long before he got a chance.
At this time I was back to school, going to Humber College. I was also going to night school, trying to get caught up, and those nights my brother looked after my son. Ron and I had made plans one of these nights for me to go over and see him after class, which was over at 10:00. I was a bit late getting to the house for whatever reason, and just let myself in so I would not wake anyone up. When I went through the front door, I could see that someone was watching Little House on the Prairie in the living room.
I crept in, figuring someone had fallen asleep watching TV, why else would that show be on, and was startled by Noel popping up his head and saying hello.
"Uh, what are you doing here?" He asked me.
"Ron told me to come by after class, Is he in his room?" I replied, starting to head down the hall.
"Um, no. Ron's um, out. He'll be back later I think" Noel said, said, a little hesitantly.
"Okay" I said, "I love Little House, I'll wait with you"
Noel seemed like he wasn't to sure this was a good idea, but then he shrugged and made room for me on the couch. I think he was glad for the company.
I had found out over the six weeks or so I had been hanging around that Noel too was just out of a bad relationship, and had a little boy who just three years old. However, I also knew that Noel and his ex were never getting back together, his had been a messy break up.
We talked a bit about our kids, and what we loved about Little House. We found out that although we both loved hard rock, we also had a thing for singers like Neil Diamond and Billy Joel. We laughed about this, I had never met a guy who had quirky music tastes like my own
I really enjoyed talking to Noel. It was kind of nice to have a conversation with someone who was not trying to get in my pants. Although over the hour or so I sat there, I kept getting the feeling Noel was uneasy about something.
I had finally decided that it was time for me to go. It was almost 1am, and I came to the conclusion that Ron was not coming home. I stood up to leave, and as I did, the door to Ron's bedroom opened and out walked a girl with long brown hair, wearing nothing but her underwear.
Suddenly I understood. Noel had been lying to protect me. Ron was not out, he was in his bedroom with another girl. I knew he had been seeing other people, I had been too. But shoving it in my face like this...it was a bit too much.
I grabbed my coat and my keys, asked Noel to let Ron know I was there, and ran out before he could see the tears welling up in my eyes. Noel tried to walk me out to my car, make sure I was alright, but I pushed him away and closed the door behind me.
The next day Ron called me, ever so apologetic. He had gotten the nights mixed up, thought I was coming the next day. He told me that if he had any idea I was there he would have come out to see me, not do what he was doing behind my back. We had an open and honest relationship didn't we? Besides, he was starting to think he didn't want to see any one else but me. Wouldn't I give him another chance?
Of course I did. I was naive, I was young, and I really liked him.
That lasted about a week, and then Ron was back with Bonnie again. I put on a brave face, pretended it didn't bother me, and still went to the house on my own to party with Chris, Noel and all the other people who hung out there.
I started spending more and more time with Noel. I found him really easy to talk to, and it was a bit of a relief to have a guy to talk to that I wasn't sleeping with.
Some nights, when Chris and Jay would be off together, Noel and I would sit by the fire, having a few drinks, just talking. I even started to bring my baby there, letting him sleep in one of the spare rooms in a portable crib, so I would not have to drive home. Noel was so sweet. We would fall asleep, sometimes on the floor, sometimes holding each other, but he never went further than that.
This went on for about a week before Noel and I kissed for the first time. After that things moved quickly, and it didn't take long before we were doing more than sleeping when we slept together.
Soon Ron got wind of my new relationship with Noel, and almost immediately he was back at the house. He took me aside, told me it wasn't going to work with him and Bonnie, and he wanted me back. Exclusively. It really hurt him to see me with Noel. They were friends, and he just couldn't handle it. Noel and I had only been together for a day or two, and Ron was his usually charming self, he convinced me to break it off with Noel, and go back to him.
Noel took it all in stride, just shrugged it off and went back to his beer. I thought all was well in the world.
This was two weeks before Valentines day. Only about 8 weeks after I had met these two. So much had happened already, but there was more to come.
Since this is getting really long, and the story does not end here, I will continue this tomorrow. In the mean time, I'll leave you with the lyrics that inspired the title of this post and a picture of the three of us taken right around this time. That's Ron on the left and Noel on the right.
Can you guess which one I ended up with?
SELF ESTEEM - The Offspring
I wrote her off for the tenth time today
And practiced all the things I would say
But she came over
I lost my nerve
I took her back and made her dessert
Now I know I'm being used
That's okay man cause I like the abuse
I know she's playing with me
That's okay cause I've got no self esteem
cause I've got no self esteem
We make plans to go out at night
I wait till 2 then I turn out the light
All this rejection's got me so low
If she keeps it up I just might tell her so
When she's saying that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
When she's saying that I'm like a disease
Then I wonder how much more I can spend
Well I guess I should stick up for myself
But I really think it's better this way
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care Right?
Now I'll relate this a little bit
That happens more than I'd like to admit
Late at night she knocks on my door
Drunk again and looking to score
Now I know I should say no
But that's kind of hard when she's ready to go
I may be dumb
But I'm not a dweeb
I'm just a sucker with no self esteem
0 comments:
Post a Comment