Being the Bad Girl Worked For Me

Growing up, I really had a hard time trying to fit into one particular group.

I sucked at sports, no one liked the smart girls, and I thought the preppy kids were too stuck up. Only the weird girls tried out for cheerleading and since I didn't play an instrument I couldn't be a band geek.

I wasn't a nerd, I wasn't a dirt bag, I was just sort of there.

When I was in elementary school I was picked on quite a bit. I was 6 ft tall by the time I was 12, super skinny, and a major klutz. I was so naive I got picked on for being clueless, and I dressed a little weird.

I had almost no self esteem. I let people use me and make fun of me, and found making new friends really hard.

Somewhere along the line however, towards the end of grade eight and just before high school, I discovered that being the Bad Girl worked for me.

It's not like I sat down one day and said...."Okay, I'm gonna be BAAAAD...” it was more of a gradual change, and the worse I became, it seemed the more accepted I was.

I started small by being one of first girls in my class to start smoking. But when I found that got me attention I moved on to shoplifting lip gloss and vandalizing school property. I got drunk before anyone else, and had was wasn't afraid to sneak booze from my Dad to supply my friends.

I started listening to heavy music. While my friends were into Duran Duran and A-Ha, I was listening to Metallica and Ozzy Osbourne. I became fascinated with Jim Morrison and Alice Cooper and loved going to the head shops in Toronto to buy band t-shirts and posters.

I ditched the pink shirts and bows in my hair. I bought black t-shirts, ripped my jeans and discovered black eyeliner.

I started making new friends. I hung out in the smokers pit with the tougher crowd. When the boys began to notice me, I went out with guys that were older, rough around the edges; some of them did not even go to school.

Soon I was skipping class and talking back to the teachers. I would stay out all night and lie to my parents. I was promiscuous and always looking for the next party. I became the girl you have been reading about in this Blog.

I was good at it. People seemed to respect me, no one dared to put me down to my face. They likely talked about me behind my back, but I never noticed. Everyone was always nice to me.

Never forgetting what it was like to be on the outside, I made friends with everyone. If I saw someone being picked on I would stick up for them. I didn’t care if it was some big guy that towered over me, I would get in between the bully and his prey and break it up.

Being so tall, people assumed I was a lot tougher than I was. I towered over most of my friends, and although I was a bean pole, people were afraid of me.

Sometimes people would ask me to go "beat someone up”. I didn’t like fighting but I would agree, knowing that just the threat of “I know Teresa and she’ll beat the crap out of you if you don’t leave me alone” was enough to stop the fight. Truthfully I only ever hit one person, and I was sticking up for myself. He deserved it.

Looking back, I know being the ‘smart girl’ would have provided me with a better chance for success, but I don’t think I would go back and change who I was. Just living the persona of being tough and strong made me tougher and stronger. True, I still have days when I am unsure of myself, I am afraid to speak my mind, but I am much better at it than I was.

So I’ll be the Smart Girl in the present, the one that has learned from her mistakes and grown from them. But you better watch out, because somewhere inside is that Bad Girl Teresa, and she’ll beat the crap out of you if you get her mad. Well likely not....but I could if I had too!