It wasn't like Shawn was my first boyfriend. In fact he was far from it. And he wasn't the last either. It's just that he was the first boy to find his way into my heart, that first relationship that felt really special. My first real love.
I met Shawn at Club 404. The night we met, I was sulking in the back corner over a recent breakup with a boy named George. As I sat there, I looked up and saw this tall, hulking guy, walking over the tables towards me. I knew this was Shawn, he hung around with the same group I did, but I don't think we had ever spoken to each other.
He stopped and sat sideways in the chair in front of me, leaned his head back into my lap and said in this cartoony voice...."What you so sad about?"
I laughed my ass off. The sight of this boy with his mop of curly brown hair, fury moustache growing on his upper lip, and the kindest eyes you've ever seen, his head upside down in my lap, was too much!
He sat up, declared my laughter was much better, and dragged me out to the dance floor.
We were inseparable for the rest of the night. We danced to every slow song, sat out many of the faster ones with him sitting on a bar stool, me leaning back against him with his arms around me. He kissed me for the first time on the dance floor, by far, the best kiss I had ever received,I can still remember the way it made me feel. And to be able to look up to kiss him! He was taller than I was, something only a few boys I had dated had been.
We promised to meet each other there again the next night and I was on cloud nine. Shawn made me feel more important, more wanted that any boy ever had. This didn't feel at all like the others. Most of the boys I had been with wanted one thing only, and that was to get me into bed. The longest relationship I had had by that time was 3 weeks, I knew this was different. And how he made me laugh! I went home that first night with my cheeks aching, I had been smiling and laughing all night.
The next night I walked into 404 with butterflies in my chest. Would he be there? Would he still want to hang around me? I had spent hours getting ready, I wanted to look as beautiful as he made me feel.
I stood inside the door for a moment, looking for one of my girlfriends for support. I shrieked when suddenly I was scooped up and swung around, and pulled into the most passionate kiss I had ever experienced.
"You came....Fu**in A!" he said, using an expression popular with my friends at the time. I was ecstatic, he was there waiting for me!
Shawn was very well known in our crowd, probably one of the most well liked and popular boys. Being at his side made me the talk of the night. More people came up and introduced themselves, I met some people that became friends for years to come. I was no longer that slutty girl who would sleep with anyone... I was Shawn's girlfriend.
I have to admit, a few people tried to warn me about Shawn. I think it was very obvious how enamoured I was with him, and some said that he only wanted to sleep with me. But I wouldn't hear it. My friends were afraid I was setting myself up for a real heartache. They were right, but is wasn't really Shawn's fault.
Shawn lived in Oakville, and I in Burlington, so seeing each other was difficult. I wasn't quite 16, and he did not have access to a car very often. We always saw each other at Club 404, and I would sometimes take the bus out to see him on weekends. His parents were great, they always gave us the privacy we craved when I went to his house, and seemed to understand our budding romance.
That November I turned 16. The week of my birthday we all went to 404 and I had my most memorable night there ever. Everyone was wishing me happy birthday, and many of my friends who rarely went to 404 made a point of going there that night. I was so happy to be on Shawn's arm, I didn't want the night to end.
The best part of the night however, was when Shawn had the Whitesnake song "Is this Love" dedicated to me. He took me out to the dance floor, and held me so tight, singing the words to the song as we danced. Sounds pretty cheesy, I know, but up to that point in my life it was the most incredible thing that had ever happened to me. I knew that for the first time, I was truly in love with someone.
Shawn and I had a conversation that night about the beginning of our relationship, when people were telling me that he was only after me to get me to sleep with him. Shawn actually admitted to me, that that was partly true, but now he was happy, and really cared about me, that that was no longer his intention. I was on top of the world.
Unfortunately, rather than get better, things started to go downhill. My Dad had got wind of our relationship, and like all Dad's didn't like it. Dad had no idea that I was no longer his innocent little girl, and he was afraid that Shawn would de-flower me. Other than confessing to him that I was no longer a virgin, in fact far from it, there was no way to convince him that Shawn was a good person who treated me with the way I wanted to be treated. Sure he wanted to get me into bed, but he was a 17 year old boy. He was just normal.
To add fuel to the fire, one night at 404, Shawn and his friend Damir thought it would be funny to see who could give me the biggest hickey. It was all in good fun, but I ended up with a bruise the size, and colour, of a dark plum on my neck.
I managed to hide it from my parents that weekend. But that Monday morning, Mom drove me to school and got a good look at it. Well....The Sh*t hit the fan.
My Dad went nuts! He said that Shawn had abused me by bruising me, and that I was not to see him any more. He took it one step further, by confronting Shawn, in a manner similar to the way he confronted poor Jason by the pool 2 years before. My poor Dad. He meant well, but he just had it all wrong. He was fighting the wrong battles and unfortunately he just could not see our side of the story.
And poor Shawn. He was terrified, embarrassed, and not too happy. I was not surprised when he told me that he thought we should break up. I wasn't surprised, but I was certainly devastated. And furious! I never wanted to speak to my father again. He ruined the first real relationship I ever had. He was so concerned about keeping me safe and pure, that he pushed away the one boy that had ever treated me with kindness and respect. Shawn never made me feel like all I was to him was a booty call. I think he truly cared for me.
I mourned Shawn for months. I wanted no one but him. At first I would find any excuse to see him or talk to him. But then it broke my heart to see him move on with other girls. I even stopped going to 404 for awhile, just so I wouldn't see him with his arms around others, kissing some girl, looking just as happy and easy going as he always was.
Eventually I moved on. It seemed like forever, but truthfully, it was less than a month before I had another boyfriend. None lasted though. I could not find that same magic again, I wanted to feel those same feelings. And it was almost a year before someone came close.
That was not the last chapter on my relationship with Shawn. It took a very long time to get over him, and still to this day I think about him with great fondness. I was lucky that he remained in my life for a few years and I eventually had closure with him, but he will hold a special place in my heart forever.
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